INSPIRED RISK 001: BEFRIENDING SHAME

INSPIRED RISK Podcast Birthday + A First Transmission on Inner Fire, Breathwork, and Releasing Shame

Elizabeth celebrates the “birthday” of the Inspired Risk Podcast by lighting a candle and sharing the show’s intention: helping listeners reconnect with their inner fire through conversations with people taking inspired risks and navigating challenge and success without burnout.

She leads a brief grounding meditation, then introduces herself as a collage and watercolor artist with a background in Texas, Alabama, and six and a half years in Vietnam before returning to the U.S. during COVID. She describes feeling angry and miserable in Columbus, Ohio, where discovering breathwork with teacher Millana Snow catalyzed deep emotional release, self-connection, and a reclaiming of agency during her Saturn return, alongside renewed study of tarot and astrology.

She focuses on shame as a major blocker to desire and growth, encouraging discernment between internal guidance and projected shame, and invites listeners to engage, share, and subscribe.

00:00 Welcome and Birthday Candle
02:03 Grounding Meditation
06:44 Meet Elizabeth the Artist
07:25 From Texas to Vietnam
08:24 Coming Home and Hitting Bottom
11:01 Breathwork Breakthrough
13:53 Saturn Return and Rebirth
17:53 Tarot Devil and Shame
21:25 Befriending Shame to Find Freedom
25:31 Closing Thoughts

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the Inspired Risk Podcast. I just lit this candle and I realized that this is, like, the birthday celebration for Inspired Risk. Happy birthday, baby. This is a beautiful candle that I bought. If you can't... If you're not watching on YouTube, I'm holding up the cover. It's, like, this gorgeous vintage, Grecian perhaps, um, candlelit-in candle. And so there's, there's much flame, much illumination happening, and that really is the goal of this Inspired Risk podcast, is to help you, the listener, the watcher, the viewer, the community member, feel that inner fire, that inner passion for something that you deeply care about and are lit up by. Because we all have something that lights us up. We all have something that is exciting and inspiring to us, but what happens I feel so often, and what I see so often with the clients that I work with, is that we don't kip- we don't keep that fuel flamed. We don't keep that fire fueled. And so the Inspired Risk Podcast is hopefully a place where you can come and you can listen to some conversations with people who are taking inspired risks in their own life, and you can start to see some of the tactical, practical ways that they are navigating challenge, ways that they are navigating success, ways that they are just, like, building up their own inner capacity to continue to take action towards the things that they actually desire in their lives without burning out. And so I lit the candle, I got into an introduction already, but I want us to take a second here to pause, because I'm gonna lead us in a bit of a meditation, grounding, just, like, bringing our energy together into the same etheric space so that you can start to drop all of the things that might interfere with the messages that are wanting to come through, and to be heard, and to be acknowledged by, by your spirit. And so If you're in a place where you are safe to close your eyes and come into maybe a moment of stillness, I would invite you to do so. If you're walking or doing the dishes or driving or whatever, just set your intention to join us as you continue moving about your day. I am so deeply grateful and honored that you would choose to spend really any time at all listening to a podcast with me. I am living out my own inspired risk in this moment because the truth is, is that I have no actual idea how this is all going to play out, and yet I am choosing to trust, I am choosing to believe that there will be new opportunities, that there will be collaborations, that there will be connections, that there will be miracles, frankly, that drop into my life and drop into the lives of my community members because I am willing to put myself out there and take this risk. And my prayer for us and everyone who is listening together today is that we would all start to begin to identify what is it that we are each responsible for and excited by? What is it, the torch, that is desiring to be carried by the folks who are listening, who are watching, who are participating in this meditation now? And maybe something comes to you immediately, and maybe, maybe nothing comes. Either way, just know that nothing needs to be forced right now in this moment. The only thing that is being asked of you is your openness and, and is your attention. And so I'm going to invite us all to intentionally send some energy into our heart space and ask our heart, our hearts to open up one, one crack bigger, one centimeter wider So that perhaps some of this light that I am attempting to transmission to you reaches you exactly as you are. I pray that any ego, any overthinking, any trying to get it quote-unquote "right" falls away so that what it is that is true can come forward and be known instead. And so with that intention set, if you've closed your eyes, go ahead and gently open them up again. Hi. Welcome back. I am Elizabeth. I've said, I think at least once I've said my name, Elizabeth. Hi. I am an artist. If you're watching, you can see some of the art that I have made behind me. If you are listening, I invite you to check out my Instagram page, check out my website. I work mainly with collage, but I do a lot with watercolor and experiment with other mediums, you know, pretty frequently. And so that has been a big passion and reclamation of mine since moving back to, since moving to New York City, since moving back to the States. I grew up in Texas. I am half Irish and half Mexican, so I look very pale right now, but just wait until the summer hits and you'll see the Latin glow start to come through. I was raised by a single mom in really the Bible Belt of Texas, and so grew up with a very strong Christian foundation and background and moved to Alabama, University of Alabama for college because I got a full ride, thankfully. And then after college, moved to Vietnam, where I lived for six and a half years in Ho Chi Minh City before COVID hit. And then did a year, maybe six months actually, in Vietnam during COVID before realizing it was time to come back to America. And I hated it. I guess I'll just get that out of the way now. I really did not wanna move back. I was deeply, deeply, deeply angry and resentful, um, that I was being, quote unquote, "forced to come back to the States," but it was what I needed at the time because in college, in high school, in all of the years really that I was living in Alabama, I mean, sorry, that I was living in Vietnam, I was partying quite a lot. I was going out all the time and drinking and, I mean, yes, some drugs, not, not a lot, but a lot of alcohol and a lot of not wanting to, mm, have to really, like, be with myself. And we'll get into that more sort of as the episodes develop. For now, I think it's, it's enough to say that I grew up with a lot of anger, and I grew up with a lot of sadness, and I really didn't like myself for probably the first 29, 30 years of my life. And it wasn't until I moved to Columbus, Ohio, because that is where my partner and his family are from. We moved there during COVID and, oh my gosh, I was miserable. I, I was absolutely miserable because my partner was working at the time at a restaurant from about 11:00 AM to 1:00 AM every single day. And so I was working online for my friend's marketing agency and was basically just home all day by myself and was, you know, as I said, felt really ripped away from my community in Vietnam and felt really ripped away from the life that I had really lovingly built there for so many years. And so being alone in Columbus and not knowing anyone and having winter for the first time in my life really created an environment for me to feel the rage, to feel the anger, to feel the discontent that had been sort of percolating under the surface for so many years. And it was during this time that I randomly found a breathwork class on the internet and decided, you know what? Let's give this a shot. The breathwork class was hosted by my, my longtime teacher now, Millana Snow, and after one class, one class, I felt viscerally different in my body. I knew that this is something that my body, my mind, my spirit, my soul needed. And so I immediately joined Millana's community. I immediately signed up for her next breathwork training, which was a virtual training because of, of COVID. And so I was in Columbus, Ohio, and we did like three days straight of breathwork on Zoom with, with, I don't know, maybe 20 other people. And I basically cried for like 72 hours straight. I think my body was just releasing so much of the drama and trauma that I had experienced growing up, and it shook me to my core, and really, mm, melted me down in a way that I had not been melted maybe ever before. And so it was during that time that I started to connect more deeply with myself and with my own soul. And it was during that time I started to really think about, like, "What is it that I want out of this life? If I'm not going out every night and partying, and having fun, and making friends in that way, like, what does community mean to me? What is it that I'm looking for for the next five, 10 years of my life?" And I spent the next year and a half going to two more of Millana's trainings. So I did three in total in the space of about 18 months. And each time, the work took me deeper, and deeper, and deeper into clearing out just the funk and the gunk that had accumulated on my soul, had accumulated really in my blood for 30 years. And this was, I should say, all during my Saturn return. Like, literally moving to Columbus was like right when my Saturn return started. And so if you've been, um, through your Saturn return, perhaps you know what I'm referencing. Saturn has a tendency to really break down anything that is not there to support you in the long-term vision that you had for your life. And so- All of these things were so sort of coinciding to break me down, melt me down, so that I could really be reborn, and not in an evangelical sense, but in a, mm, in a way that... It was like all of the conditioning and all of the misaligned, like, shoulds and ought tos and all of the pressure to, like, be a certain way, that is what got singed and melted, and what was left was actually the essence of who I feel like I was born into. And so it was a very... Like, the word agency is coming to mind. Like I... It was the first time maybe that I was really taking agency of, like, not only what I wanted to be in life in terms of, like, a job, but also who I wanted to be and, and really, like, how I wanted to navigate through my life. And I returned to a study of astrology. I returned to studying tarot. I- because I grew up in an evangelical home, these were things that were, like, not allowed in my youth, and so I did sort of have to sneak around, um, in terms of learning my astrology. And I should say I'm a Virgo Sun and a Cancer Moon and a Sagittarius Rising. And so it's interesting because growing up, my closest friends were also Virgo Suns. And so even though I wasn't allowed to really study astrology, there was something inherently there for me because I was like, "Oh, it's really interesting that the other people that I get along with best also have this in common with me. What is that?" And so living in Columbus and having all of this time to myself really allowed me to get back into the study of some of these m- more esoteric practices. And excuse me while I get some water. This candle is really burning. I feel like I need to blow it out. Uh, this is the first time I've lit it And it's, like, quite intense sitting next to me on the computer, so I'm gonna just... Oh, happy birthday. I should have made a wish. Let me make one now. Hmm. Hmm. I'm gonna blow some smoke your way to cleanse and clear your space. Hmm. It smells so good, though. So I got back into studying tarot. I got back into studying astrology, and it's interesting because I have one of my tarot decks here, and I, for some reason, like, had it sitting upside down so that I could see the bottom card, and it's, it's actually the Devil card, which if you've never studied tarot, this is, like, a pretty intense looking card. Even if you have studied tarot, this is an intense card, but just looking at it, it's one of the most, um, visceral, evocative, maybe I'll say, cards of the deck. And for me, it makes me think about shame, perhaps because I experienced so much shame growing up, and even as I have been talking about what it is that I hope to transmute to you, j- like transmish. Is that a word? And all the things I wanna transmish, transmission over to you as a listener and a, and as a watcher. It's really the, um, crumbling, perhaps, the release of the shame. I have found that shame is what keeps you from acting on the desires in your heart, and shame is often the thing that keeps us in our smallness. And my dream and my desire and my wish for everybody listening is to connect with the version of themselves who lives their biggest, juiciest, most full life. And in order to do that, you must befriend perhaps your shame. You have to understand that it is something that other people communicate in your direction and then- You can decide how much of it you're gonna take on. I think shame has a place, right? Is an important sensation when it does come, especially from the inside out. There are things that maybe you shouldn't repeat in terms of behaviors or in terms of, um, ways of thinking in your life. And so sometimes shame is useful in helping us to curb behaviors and ways of being that are actually not beneficial for us or for society. And so it's not that we should never allow ourselves to experience shame, but we should be able to engage with shame and differentiate and distinguish, "Is this something that I need to be ashamed about? Or is this shame something that is being projected onto me that actually I don't have to allow into my, my sensory system?" And so maybe I'll just take a minute here to sit with anybody who might be feeling a little bit of shame about something in your own life. Maybe it's something as simple as credit card debt. Maybe it's something bigger, and maybe it's your sexuality. Maybe you are like me, and you grew up in a, in a household that had pretty strict rules about what was allowed and not allowed in terms of sexual expression. And it's actually such a, a disservice to the spectrum that really is humanity. Maybe you have some shame around some things that you said or some things that you did. And actually, rather than just releasing those, perhaps there is a way to be with those actions, those words, to see what is the message maybe underneath that caused those things to come through you. And maybe there is an opportunity here to make amends or to send an honest and sincere apology to recover perhaps- A broken relationship or dynamic. You don't have to be at the mercy of your shame. And in fact, when we are able to befriend and witness, trust the sensation of shame, and then decide, "Is this something that I need to keep or is this something that is being projected onto me?" Once we can get to that place, then there is freedom that is on the other side. And so I'm not even This is not necessarily the direction I had planned for this first episode, but I am doing what I can to embody my own intuitive listening and immediate action. And again, I am choosing to trust that these words are coming through me because it is important for someone, perhaps you, to hear them. I have faith in my intuition, and the fact that this is coming up, I am choosing to trust that these words will find the heart that they are meant for. Hmm. I think that we might have to stop there because my husband needs to make dinner now. And I think that we just perhaps tackled something that, mm, has maybe been an undercurrent of a, a feeling or a way of being that some of you have been carrying for quite some time. And so if these words landed and resonated with you, I invite you to be easy with yourself for the next twenty-four hours or so while this- processes and percolates and lands in your body. And if you are curious about some ways to support yourself through this processing or releasing of shame, then just know you can always comment on the YouTube. You can always send me a, a message on Instagram. And this is really just the very first transmission of many. This is- this is the very first sort of like dipping our toe into what is an ongoing conversation between myself and, and yourself. And so I'm grateful that you're here. I'm grateful that we're gonna go down this road together, and I love you a lot. If you could please do me a gigantic favor and like and subscribe on the YouTube page, on the Apple page, on the Spotify page, wherever you're listening. I am literally a one-woman show. Um, I do have a podcast producer who I'm gonna be working with in the future, but these first few episodes, like, it's all me, baby And so I really appreciate all of the support because it just helps expand and broaden the reach, and that's what my goal is. I wanna be able to support as many people through the blockages and, and the challenges of following their dreams as I possibly can, and you can literally contribute to that by doing the small actions of liking, subscribing, and commenting. And of course, sharing. If you think somebody would like this, send it directly to them. So with all of that being said, I love you. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so excited for the way that the rest of this podcast is gonna be rolled out, and stay tuned for so much more juicy, juicy goodness. Sending you all the love. Besos.